April 1, 2018
To my family, home health aides and Managed Long Term Care provider:
While you all have been obsessing about my can't can't, I've gone out and gotten these dancing shoes and some lessons.
Officially my ADL scores characterize me as dependent in grooming, bathing, dressing, toileting and transfers with a big assist in feeding. I got you fooled. While you think I can't do any of those things, really I was just waiting for a reason to get out of this chair. See that shade of lipstick? Its the same shade of rouge as the photo of me from 1944, and now I feel so much better.
Most important are my new sparkly dancing shoes. In fact, they are chorus girl heels. I know you think the guy coming to the apartment was a physical therapist, but--ha ha--fooled you! Behind your back, Bob Fosse has been teaching me a shimmy shake, kick, shoulder roll dance routine for the audition.
Yes, audition. It's in two weeks and I am so ready to be a precision team player in the Rockettes. While you all renewed my Access-A-Ride service, I checked the subway map. From my comfy chair to Radio City Music Hall is an easy commute on the D train. Oh yes I can can do anything I put my mind to. Fooled you.
After a season or two with the Rockettes, I plan to move up the chorus girl hierarchy and move to Paris where they really do the can-can. Imagine me in stardom as the exotic Helena da Bronx at Le Lido, Moulin Rouge y aussi Les Folies Bergeres. I can see it now. That's meeee as the star on the poster. And the Emcee will sing:
What good is sitting all alone in your room? Come, hear the muuusic play.
Life is a cabaret old chum. Come to the cabaret.
Start by admitting from cradle to tomb it isn't that long a stay.
Life is a cabaret old chum. Its only a cabaret, old chum.
And I love a cabaret.
Moi, Exotic Helena da Bronx