Dear Alexis and Adrienne,
I was pleasantly surprised by our conversation the other day, when I expressed my fears about being alone in my senior years. You pointed out that since neither of you is married, I would always have a place to be. I will assume this means I will be living with one or both of you when the time comes for me to be dependent. Since my arthritis promises to worsen to the degree that I will not be able to move much, I am relieved to know that I will have a chauffeur to drive me to the doctor, or the pool, or to visit the rest of our family. I will also need to make the occasional 2 hour trip to Connecticut to visit my dear friend Lisa and her various goats, ducks, horses and dogs.
I have relayed your implicit offer of care to Aunt Donna, who gleefully accepts and is ready to move in at the first hint of infirmity. Oh, how glad we shall be of the company! Our dietary needs, as you know, differ from yours in that we will both be needing meat, especially Aunt Donna, who tends to be anemic. The occasional McDonalds/White Castle/Burger King indulgence would be so lovely, if it’s OK with you. I know how you despise fast food. But you must understand, we find it a treat.
Finally, although I hesitate to bring it up, our three cats will be aged as well by that time. We would not entertain the prospect of leaving them behind, so they would have to come along. They won’t be any trouble. By then, they’ll be too old and tired to scratch the furniture, though they will require extra litter pans and special food. Once you get the routine down, the feedings and litter pan cleaning will be second nature and not-at-all time consuming.
Again, I love you to the moon and back, and Aunt Donna and I are so grateful for your offer of care. We accept!
Happy April Fools Day.
Aunt Mary Ellen